This week in the news, we learned that an intelligent, hardworking young man at William Floyd H.S. in Mastic Beach was accepted into all eight Ivy League colleges. On any given day that is an astounding accomplishment. As remarkable a triumph as it truly is, it is incorrect to explain that Kwasi Enin’s success was due in part to helicopter parenting. A fundamental reason for this senior’s success is because his mother and father were anything but helicopter parents.
Like a contagious infection, helicopter parenting is growing at epidemic rates across our country. The carriers of this scourge know who they are and are easy to spot. These are the parents who hover just high enough over their children so as not to suffocate them completely, but close enough to insure that nothing bad can ever happen to them. Yes, yes, of course, it all starts from a good place. We all love our kids. Unfortunately, the wheels blow off when you decide that they need to have a protective shield around them at all times.
What’s so wrong about wanting the best for your children? There is nothing wrong with wanting your children to do well in school, have friends, enjoy music and art, or play sports. The helicopter parent wants all that as well, but takes it too far. They want their children to be happy, feel confident and have a positive self-image all without knowing disappointment, failure, or criticism. Helicopter parents are ready to rush in and handpick teachers who are more sensitive to the “needs” of their child. They don’t just edit or proofread term papers or projects, these parents write them. They’ve raised their kids on a steady diet of praise, no matter what the effort or outcome, “You’re the best, just because you’re you!” These kids never get to soar because there is always a net to catch them.
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The collateral damage of helicopter parenting is raising children who don’t get the chance to learn from their mistakes, develop discipline through hard work, or experience the elation of a job well done. These kids never have to set a goal, take a risk, or confront fear. In many ways, their lives are like a manufactured Happy Meal --- no matter what, you always get the prize.
Kwasi Enin is the son of immigrant parents from Ghana. Mr. and Mrs. Enin have instilled in their son the understanding that through hard work and perseverance anything is possible in the U.S. As first-generation immigrants, they see clearly what many of us cannot and that some of us have forgotten. They see the same opportunities and possibilities that our families first saw as they came through New York Harbor to Ellis Island. As Mr. Enin said to his son, “You have all the resources in the world. Whatever you need, you have it here.”
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These resources and opportunities were not handed to Kwasi Enin. His parents reminded him that to be successful, you must put in your greatest effort and be disciplined. They led by example. In reading his common app essay, you can feel his passion and see his fire to succeed. Self-determination doesn’t come from parents who carry you around in a papoose long after you’ve outgrown it – it comes from parents who held up a lantern and led the way.
Unlike the hovering, over-involved parents so prevalent in today’s society, Mr. and Mrs. Enin took a different path with their son --- and that made all the difference.
Dr. Kathy Levinson is a psychologist, author, editor, realtor and active community member, serving as President of Kiwanis International for Port Washington-Manhasset. For years she has helped students improve their essay writing skills for the ACT, SAT, and common app essays. Visit her website at wordtantrum.com and learn how she can help you.
Dr. Kathy Levinson
WordTantrum.com
